Trying to cope during this illegal lockdown has been very trying for almost everyone. Well everyone who isn’t rich or on a government payroll.

I have been wearing a mask in public since it was first deemed helpful. Volunteered with a group of disabled and homebound ladies who were sewing masks for 1st responders in our local area.

Now that it has been deemed ‘mandatory’ by local and state governments it has just added to the stress of people I know.

Two friends have recently confided in me that they have broken down and cried. Their lives are not sad or bad in any way from their or my perspective.

The constant in your face covid-19 news, the disinformation and the protests are taking an unseen toll on some very good people.

The media could be a better agent for the general public if they would also press the issues with local governments regarding absolute police reform, or any number of real issues affecting real people. I blame our current president and his administration for most of the disinformation coming at us as I blame most media outlets for not seeking the truth. @NBC @CBS @CNN @ABC and everyone knows only fiction is sold @FOX

I have not had television service since 2009. I found it unnecessary and refused to sit in front of a tv set at certain required times of day/night to watch specific programming.

Did I miss a lot of great comedy, drama, news? Maybe, but maybe not.

I spend a lot of time alone. I am ok with silence. It helps me to grow. (Although it would be nice to have zero thoughts in my head…..)

I do spend time on the internet like most people do nowadays. Researching specific news items that a co-worker or friend has mentioned. Reading up on other countries and seeing the unrest across our planet.

Earlier this morning I was outside drinking coffee, walking around my patio/yard. Trying to keep myself occupied and away from my thoughts.

I started thinking of these crazy times we live in. Of how much more complicated it is to just run to the corner store.

I thought about going to visit a friend, but the thought of having to wear a mask for a couple hours while hanging out is just too much for me. Not that I do not care about my friends. Quite the opposite. I will go and visit my friends who cannot get out in public and I will sit for 2 hours in a mask to protect them. Its just getting to be too much.

All the people that do not see the mask issue as a ‘thing’ to complain about, have not been wearing a mask since March/April like a huge amount of us have been. It is now August.

We are all getting tired of having to go out with masks, disinfecting our hands and steering wheel after each return to our cars. Tired of wiping down counters, doorknobs and lightswitches at our homes and offices, because no one knows what is spreading the virus.

I keep thinking outdoors is safer than indoors. I try to spend time on the weekends outdoors, alone though. I don’t trust anyone out there walking around to know how to keep their hands clean. (And these morons with their nose sticking out of their masks… wtf do you think you’re doing?… just don’t wear the mask at all if you can’t wear it correctly.)

The stress and the depression that is coexisting with this virus/epidemic and illegal lockdown is getting to be much too much.

I won’t reach out to anyone to work through this because I have too many people that reach out to me, to lean on me, to speak their stress and depression. I can’t do that. For if I cry it solves nothing. But I need to cry. I need to speak to the stress and depression.

Alone with thoughts for too long may not be a good thing.

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My Dad

The Anniversary of my father’s birth is next week. He died in 1983 when I was 23 years old. Next week would have been his 96th birthday.

I still remember conversations we had while I was growing up.

I remember a lot of things about him, both good and bad.

We were raised Catholic and attended a private school in the next small town near ours.

As his children aged and were exposed to different people or ‘things’ (for lack of a better word) we began questioning a lot around us.

Different stories or …. aspects? in the bible were discussed.

The loaves and the fishes. Here’s a simple take on it.

When Jesus walked the Mediterranean areas as his popularity grew, he rarely was alone. Crowds of people would walk with him and his disciples.

At the point when Jesus’ followers thought there may not be enough food to go around Jesus blessed the fish and bread and sent them out to feed the crowd.

In reality, humans learn to take care of themselves and to provide their own means of food sources, even traveling people would have not left their homes withoug sufficient resources to feed themselves and their loved ones.

What if all the people who were in the crowd had brought their own food and gave some food into the basket being passed around instead of taking food.

What if humans, who seem to naturally want to help others, did not take food they did not need?

I know protestants will want to argue that it was a heavenly miracle, but I choose to believe that humans have a generous nature.

The disciples leaving their jobs and homes to follow Jesus.

Dad would question us. Do you really believe that all those men left their homes and family and just followed this man through the desert?

No, would be his answer. Some of those men were married with families. Their entire family left and traveled with them. Although the 12 men/disciples are the main story, think about it.

Happy Birthday to my Dad.

I always feel that if he had lived longer, maybe he could have helped me through some of the trials I have slogged through or maybe some of them would have been prevented.

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I don’t get the left/right people. Its like saying everything is black/white.

We are Americans, humans, taxpaying citizens that do not always agree with each other working towards the same goal #Liberty.

It doesn’t make us left or right or that all issues are black or white.

Most Americans need to take a step back and look at issues objectively, although I am not sure that they know how. So many people that I interact with only view life from their perspective.

They believe their perspective is straight up the right way while they hold that perspective with anger and not aware of it. (and if anger masks pain…. what is hurting these people holding anger?)

Some of those people absolutely cannot understand the current state of protests.  Because they can only see from their perspective.


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Today I was remembering my son Joseph.  He was 22 when he died in 2004.

When Joseph was 2 we were living at my Mom’s house.  One of my brother’s was replacing the roof on Mom’s house.

I was explaining to the children listening to the noise overhead, that Uncle Brien was on the roof working.

When Brien would come in to take a break, my son would look at him and say ‘bonky bonk man’.

At Joseph’s grave, Brien left a large bouquet of red roses with a card that said, Love the Bonky Bonk man.

So I text my brother today just to say hi bonky bonk man.

And sitting here with tears streaming…. missing my son for a moment today.

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Getting up speed

I created this blog in February of 2011 … and never posted anything ….

I wanted to write something meaningful. I ended up stuck in my head and dealing with life.

(The loss of a good job. The reality that women over 50 would have a difficult time finding full time employment .)



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Today is February 4, 2020 … listening to the twisted notions of the Senate, not actually performing a trial …. for the US President’s  Impeachment …

I got rather bored because I see what the defense has done.

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Hello world!

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